Emotional regulation

Attachment and emotional regulation are closely linked. Securely attached people tend to be able to self-regulate and co-regulate better, while those with insecure attachment patterns struggle to find a sense of emotional equilibrium, either independently (self-regulation) or with the help of others (co-regulation) (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2016). One theory of emotional regulation (Roth et al., 2019) conceptualizes three types of strategies: 1) integrated, 2) dysregulated, and 3) suppressive. An integrated emotional regulation is the ability to be receptive to and explore one’s emotional experience, followed by taking intentional actions, such as expressing emotions and flexibly seeking comfort from others (co-regulation), or withholding emotion (self-regulation). The key idea is that in integrated emotional regulation, the choice of co-regulation or self-regulation is driven by awareness and exploration of emotion, resulting in behavioral flexibility that is aligned with one’s personal and relational goals. Those who lack the ability to be open and curious about their emotional experience, on the other hand, tend to resort to either a suppressive or a dysregulated strategy. A suppressive emotional regulation strategy consists of avoidance or distancing from emotional experiences, resulting in less authenticity and more negative psychological and relational outcomes (Shahar et al., 2018). A dysregulated emotional regulation strategy is characterized by overwhelm and inability to calmly engage with one’s emotional experience. As a result, emotions can be expressed impulsively and intensely, or withheld in protest, resulting in decreased personal and relational well-being (Roth & Assor, 2012). Effective or integrated emotional regulation, therefore, requires awareness of one’s own emotional state and the ability to think about distressing events without becoming overwhelmed (Roth et al., 2019). In other words, integrated emotional regulation requires mindfulness and non-judgment, which are key components of self-compassion (Neff, 2003b). Insecure attachment is associated with reduced capacity for emotional regulation (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2016). A systematic review of 37 emotional regulation and attachment studies (Eilert & Buchheim, 2023) showed that individuals with high attachment avoidance generally have high vigilance and awareness of emotional relational stressors. In response to these triggers, they make attempts to downregulate their emotions by activating avoidance and withdrawal, evidenced by the inconsistency between their facial expressions, non-verbal behaviors and measured physiological stress. On the other hand, individuals high in anxiety respond to relational stressors by upregulating emotions, displaying increasingly negative affect in an attempt to draw attention to their distress. Avoidant downregulation and anxious upregulation can be viewed as reflections of suppressive and dysregulated emotional regulation strategies.